Category: Dating and Relationships
So is love enough? I was planning on getting engaged but again having second thoughts, I know she loves me, but not sure about my love for her.
There are times I think she is great, and then times I wonder if she is the one.
I love her as a person and thought I saw a future with her, but now I think of her as more as a friend then anything.
Should I break it off, or give it some more time, I have told her about my feelings, but she acts like she does not hear me and knows she is the one for me.
Some times her love scares me, like it’s all she has and it would be the end of the world if not for me.
Is it fair to break her heart now or give it time and see what happens?
thanks for your point of view.
I don't have any specific advice for you, but just wanted to comment that I'd probably be asking the same question if I was in your situation, I mean thinking about/preparing to get engaged/married. The thought of it not working out for whatever reason is what would hold me back I think, although I do think it would be nice to get married sometime. But anyway, yeah, all I can think is to maybe give it time, although you do say that your feelings about her change from feeling love to friendship (not sure if I got that right). ... Maybe I shouldn't be trying to say anything, since I've never been in a long-term relationship, so can't relate exactly *smile*, but I did just want to say that I know I'd feel the same way if in your situation.
How long have you guys been dating? if your feelings changed, why continue to be in that relationship? Just be honest with her.
Well, love changes. The initial feelings mellow and we settle into something much more sustainable. What you need to work out is, do you still love her, or are you only with her because it's what you are used to. When we are in a long term relationship sometimes we lose sight of things, so we need to sit and concentrate, think what it is we've got, why we've got it, and if we still want it. I can't give you specific advice other than that because everyone and every situation is different, plus you have to decide for yourself, as it's your future.
i agree completely. you and only you can decide what's best.
I agree with what's been said. Only you can decide what's best for you. Having said that, however, I can also say that I've only had long-term relationships and although none of them were great and all ended, I must say that if you truly love someone you're feelings for them shouldn't change. Marriage is a serious commitment. It's not something that should be taken lightly by no means what-so-ever. The person you marry should be someone you can see yourself never living without. Someone who you not only get along with, that is your best friend, but also someone you see as your partner. Someone you know agrees with you on how to raise your kids or is willing to put as much effort into major life changing decisions as your are. Marriage is a 2 way street and if you feel one way on something and the other person another it can't work. It's not easy by no means and if only one person works at keeping it solid and whole it will never work. If one person's love is there and the other is self absorbed in other aspects of their life then it can't work. You both have to be on the same page at all times. Communication is key in order to have a successful marriage. Listening, understanding, teamwork, all go hand in hand with marriage. Sometimes you have to agree to disagree. You also have to remember, this is someone you are spending the rest of your life with. Someone that's going to wake up with you day in and day out, share meals with you, spend time with you, love you, possibly have children with, share bills, by a house, cars, share your bank account with, credit, everything. Someone that's going to come home after a bad day at work or what-not and look to you for consolidation. In all honesty, you have a lot to consider and if you haven't lived with this person yet. That might be a better choice than jumping head into marriage. It's good to live with someone for at least a year before getting married cause everything changes once you live with someone. Everything. Hopefully this helps you in your lifelong adventure. Again, it's a choice only you can make. Weigh the pros and cons. Good Luck!
while i agree predominantly with what you've said, the feelings do change. the type of love changes. initially you have this phrenetic relationship where often it is lots of sex and romance, but that then settles into something much more deep and sustainable if you are going to work at a life-time relationship. You can expect to keep all of those initial feelings forever, you'd burn out. plus the more you get to know and learn about the person the more you may come to love them.
Very true, Kev. Very true. Passion is great and can increase with time but can also fizzle. A true, lifelong, committed relationship takes work, time, and doesn't happen overnight. Every day is a challenge and every day you may find out something new about that person. Some things you'll like, some you won't but true love doesn't let anything stand in the way. If you truly love someone then their past is just that and nothing more.
It concerns me that you said you've tried discussing your doubts with her and she doesn't seem to "hear" what you're saying. If she wants you no matter what and is trying to talk you into having the same feelings she does just because that'ss what she wants, I don't think that is a sign of a healthy relationship. And if you really want to break it off, the longer you wait, the more you will hurt her, and it doesn't sound to me as if she is a very stable person. Just my opinion, though. As everyone else has said, it's your life and your decision. But don't get engaged and married just because you don't want to hurt her feelings. That will not make for a very pleasant future.
It seems to me that the one thing which you must determine is whether or not your feelings of slowing down and loving less intensely are a result of growing apart or spaunde by simple apprehention and fear of change. If you feel that you truly do not love her as you would need to love a wife, a life partner, a lover and the mother of your children then you should communicate gentaly and firmly with her to break it off. If you find that these feelings are stemming from a fear of commitment, a fear of the unknown and the natural apprehention that any fiance might feel then you should spend a little more time thinking it over and try to work through your fears and doubts to reache the best possible decission. The key here is to be able to look honestly and objectively at your own feelings, analyse them to determine what has caused them and then decide based upon a good understanding of not only her and your situation, but of your self as well.
I agree with all that's been said, however, trust is a huge issue as well, cause I believe trust and love work hand in hand and you can't have one without the other.
Yes, I think love is enough, and love should always be the reason for getting married. It's a good thing that you're considering carefully what you're about to do because it shows me that you're willing to think before you get yourself into something so sacred as is marriage. I don't know if you're religious or anything and I don't know you're opinion on divorce, but I sure wouldn't want you or your girlfriend to go through a divorce as we've all heard that divorce is a terrible experience for many families. And at least you're not the kind of guy who'd callously hurt a person who loves you, and that only shows me why your girlfriend values you so much. I don't know what else to say, other than be smart about letting go of someone who possibly truly loves you, because you just might not find another person who'll love you the same again. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably take some time to be away from this woman and consider just how strong, how genuine, how needful my feelings are for her. It's going to be hard letting go of her; I know this because your words reflect some awareness that you know she truly loves you. or then again, it just might be an infatuation she has for you so maybe you ought to figure out a way to test her love, see whether or not her love for you is true. Once you do that, my friend, and if her love proves to be true, then don't let that woman go, no matter what! There should be time for you to do this; if she truly loves you, then she should be willing to wait until you're ready. But then again, the time factor comes in: is it worthwhile to spend any amount of time to prove or disprove her love? What if in the end you find out the relationship wasn't meant to be? These are issues you're going to have to settle yourself. I guess I just want to warn you to be very cautious about letting go of anyone whom you think truly loves you because, you never know, by doing so you just might be unhanding the very jewel that would have made you a millionaire. Hope this doesn't frustrate/confuse/discourage you. Be strong my friend!
Love is enough. Well, true love felt by both parties is enough. One-sided love isn't enough to make a marriage work. Remember, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Never do anything for a partner out of pity, or even sympathy. Empathy yes, but never sympathy and especially not pitty.